“I used to have friends at school, lots of friends, or at least I thought they were my friends. But now no one wants to talk to me. They make snide comments, say ugly things—totally untrue things. And it’s not just one person with a problem, it seems like everybody hates me now. And for what?”

Sound familiar? Well, you are not alone, and your problem is not unique. Fact is, it is very common and totally predictable. One day everybody at your school is happy, you have a lot of friends who like you, like being around you, want to do things with you and you with them . . life is good.

And all of a sudden things change, and change fast, and in a bad way. I hate to say it, but it is human nature, it is people wanting something you have that they don’t have. It rarely happens when you’re a “tween-ager”, but by the time you get to be thirteen, look out! And it’s most severe with girls.

What changed in your life? Good things came your way, and that is all it takes. It may be that you’ve grown taller and prettier and the guys are taking notice. It may be that you won a beauty pageant title. Could it be that you got to be in a T.V. commercial or a print ad? How about a bit part in a movie and you didn’t even get to say a line? Heaven forbid let someone pick you for an all star team or be part of a singing group!

Pay close attention to what I am about to tell you. If you never hear or remember anything I ever say again, listen to this. I Don’t know who said it first, but it is so so true:

The Number 2s and 3s in life are NEVER satisfied until they bring the Number 1s down to their level.

Read that again, and again. Think about it and let it soak in. Then see how it applies to your situation.

No matter if you’re starting to grow up, and look good, and gain notice . . . others are simply jealous. They will say ugly things about you in an attempt to make you look less good in the eyes of the people around them. Those people feel like they can’t be as pretty, popular, talented . . or whatever as you. If they can’t reach your level, which THEY think of as a Number 1, they simply try to cut you down to their level.

If you show up in a print ad for a clothing line, don’t you know down deep in your heart that everybody around you wishes “they” could be you? Of course they do. We all have those feelings. The problem is, “they” didn’t have that same opportunity you had. And if they can’t be Number 1, what do they do? You got it, say that quote again!

But, you say, “I didn’t act conceited, stuck up, better-than-you . . none of that! So, why do they treat me that way?”

Human nature—happens all the time, common as day and night, nothing new . . pure jealousy.

Now, before you get the idea that EVERYBODY is this way, they certainly are not. It is just a small percentage who are, but they make such a big stink and work so hard at trying to bring you down that it sometimes seems like EVERYBODY hates you. They don’t.

There’s often a funny thing that happens along this vein of thought. People who treat you poorly as you aspire to do something significant like: acting and being in a commercial, or print ad, or getting with a singing group, or winning a beauty title at school—all change their tune completely if you actually make it to the big time. If you do become a high paid fashion model, Miss America, or get a record deal and go on tour, those people who treated you so shabbily, now claim to be your best friend! My, how things change. It’s human nature.

“Well”, you say, “it’s nice to know it happens all the time to anyone who tries to do anything someone else wishes they could do, but it still hurts and it is getting worse and what can I do about it right now?”

Just “be yourself”. Hear that all the time don’t you? What does that mean? Being yourself simply is not trying to be something or someone YOU ARE NOT. You are not trying to be a diva. You are not acting like you are better than someone else. You are not looking down on someone less fortunate than you.

The biggest and best thing you can do right now is to EMPATHIZE? Know what that word means? It means to try to put yourself into that person’s shoes for a moment and try to understand  “where she’s coming from”. That person is hurting. She wants to be like you, look like you, have the things you have, the talents and opportunity you have, and she can’t—and they are frustrated and feel like life has cheated them . . . and they take it out on you. They feel like if they can’t be like you, then they want you to come down to their level to even the playing field. It is a sad way to have to live and feel, but most often that is what is happening. These people really don’t hate you, they have no reason to. YOU didn’t do anything to them, THEY are doing it to themselves, torturing their own feelings and wants and needs, and taking it out on you.

If you understand that YOU didn’t do anything to deserve poor treatment, just ignore the bad behavior. You know why they are doing it. It is poor self-control on their part, it is envy, and it is pitiful.

Here’s the hard part. BE KIND. If you try to understand what they are feeling (empathize) and don’t give them the defensive reaction they expect, you can deal with the problem. You just keep on being friendly, kind and understanding of how desperately others wish they could be you. Don’t be rude or flippant. Don’t say ugly things back at them, just understand and be kind.

If you’re lucky, those people who hate you and want to be you will see the way you keep your cool, try to understand others, and don’t lower themselves to their level.

And if they really want to be like you, those are things that EVERYBODY can have, not just a privileged few—share it!

So, you have your photos in your portfolio book and you have your comp cards and headshot cards—your tools are in place, now what?

You may have amazing looks and talent but unless somebody sees and really notices you, very little, if anything will happen for you.  How do you get that all important “exposure”?

Agents, scouts, casting directors are the people who first see you and form an impression of you in their minds. If you could personally go to a hotbed of modeling, acting, music and print like New York, Los Angeles, or Nashville, it would be great. But, think about it. What would it cost you to go to one of these fabulous places? Who would you go see? Could you get an appointment with anyone at a big agency and actually get to sit down with a person who can get you through the door? Then, how much time would or could such an agency give you to really get to know you and see the depth of your skills and talent?

And what if you needed to “make the rounds” and see more than one agency and go to more than one city . . . or even a half dozen locations across the country?

Gets a bit daunting, doesn’t it?

Just imagine, if you can, what the expense would be, and just how much headway you might be able to make to go to just one place and maybe get through one door.

Now, let’s look at a very real and much more productive step in the right direction. And before anyone starts to say I am biased in my opinion, you are absolutely right! I am biased because I have been around this block MANY times and I know what works and what doesn’t. And that is why I encouraged and supported my wife Donna’s decision many years ago to develop the American Talent Showcase/Model Jam America (ATS/MJA).

What is ATS/MJA? It is an outlet for models, actors, singers and others to showcase their skills before the very people who are actively seeking new faces and talent for runway, print, movies and commercials, recording and more. Think about this: You come to one place and agents, scouts, casting and record label representatives from across the country are brought there for the sole purpose of  seeing, hearing, and evaluating, you and others like you. Now, what would it cost you to go to all those places across the country and see if you could get to speak with even one of these people?

Yet, all these industry power people are brought together by ATS/MJA to one place, not only to see your photos, but to meet you personally . . to get to see you perform your skills and talents in a variety of areas, and really get to know you by name. Could you get an appointment in New York or L.A. with anyone like that . . for three days of exposure and performance? Of course not.

Here, then is perhaps the most valuable opportunity you could have to jumpstart your career, to make an impression, with exactly the people who can and do make a real difference in your career.

And, yes there are other conventions out there, but none give you the personal attention and opportunity that ATS/MJA does. It is kept small so that you don’t get swallowed up by hundreds or thousands just like you. ATS/MJA is not for everybody, only serious-minded individuals who truly want the best and ask only for an honest opportunity to present themselves in the most professional way possible.

Am I biased? You’re absolutely right I am because I have seen what it takes to get an intelligent and effective start in this highly competitive business.

If indeed, you are serious about your career and future, you would be smart to contact the folks at ATS/MJA to find out more. Call Donna Ehrlich at 803-581-2278, email [email protected]  or visit www.Z1ModelsAndTalent.com and check out ATS/MJA.

Working Resumes

Whenever you go to an audition, you are expected to leave the casting folks a headshot card, not just a snapshot, but an 8 x 10 headshot with your name pre-printed on the front side. Everybody knows that, but what a lot of people don’t think about is having a resume to accompany that headshot.

The acting business is a highly competitive field and your resume is a very important piece of information that can truly make the difference in getting selected for a part . . or not. If a choice comes down to two similar looking people who have comparable “reads” in an audition, and one leaves a resume and the other not, the odds favor the selection of the one with a good resume.

Your resume should fit on one side of a sheet and should be attached to the backside of your headshot card. Most people simply staple the resume to the headshot at the four corners. You often are asked for two headshots and each should have a resume attached so that the information all stays together. Don’t walk in and hand the casting folks a headshot and a separate resume, expecting the casting people to keep up with both or clip them together for you. You do it before you get there.

A sure way to keep your resume with your headshot is to have your resume run off on the back of the headshot. Just run a few headshot cards, backside up, through the copy machine with your resume on the copy plate. Then you have a headshot with your current resume printed right on the back.

Let me caution that you only run maybe 4 headshots at a time this way. Why? Your resume may need to be changed and updated frequently. If, before your next audition you get a commercial or attend a workshop, your resume needs to have that new information on there . . .  and here you are stuck with 25 headshots with less than current info on them. It only takes a minute to run just a few and it is also easy to update your resume sheet, so you can see where I’m coming from. Don’t “waste” those headshots, but DO make the very best use of them by always having your updated resume attached.

What does a good working resume contain? —next blog.

A Good Working Resume

  —Just the facts,  mam.

Casting people are busy people. They have a lot of people to sort through in an unbearably short span of time, and they simply do not have the luxury to take as much time as you might like. So, it is up to you to give them the cleanest (fat free), most accurate, and up to date resume possible.

It begins with your name and your contact information. Your contact information could be your agency and their contact information, which is the proper chain of contact. If you are not with an agency, give your name and contact phone numbers and email. There is NOTHING more frustrating to an agent or casting director than not being able to contact you day or night. There is little use for your street address in your contact information because you will not be contacted by mail and your street address is no one else’s business anyway. Keep it simple and clean.

Your “stats” should be next: Height, Measurements, Hair and Eye Color (should be evident from your headshot), Dress size, Sportcoat size, Shoe size should be enough. For children, current clothing sizes and hair and eye color are all that is necessary.

Then you should list your experience— the things you have done:

Keep it simple and to the point, i.e. the name of the play or movie, the name of the character, and the director . . . and that’s it. The casting director doesn’t have the time or inclination to read a biography or the details other than just those facts.  Don’t attempt to pad a resume with things like “I was a butterfly in the second grade spring play”. That does not impress and will get you a quick trip to the trash can.

Follow “Experience” with “Training”—pertinent training. They don’t care that you attended a financial planning seminar at the local library—they DO care that you attended Karen Lee’s  “Runway” workshop at the American Talent Showcase/Model Jam America. And, again just the facts:

Workshop — Runway Technique — Karen Lee — American Talent Showcase/Model Jam America.

Every workshop, seminar, personal training whether one-on-one or as a group, ALL should be listed. These are legitimate and important things for your resume. They not only make you better at what you do, but are strong resume builders.

You can follow this with things like Awards:

Gold Medal—T.V. Commercial—American Talent Showcase/Model Jam America, etc.

Awards, certificates, titles, etc. attest to your skills validated by professionals in the industry.

Finally, you might want to list special skills, but again, keep it pertinent. Things like skilled horseback rider, fluent in 5 languages, are useful, but I think I’ll cry if I have to hear or see “I can cry on cue” or “burp on command” one more time.

And, one last thing, it is much to your advantage if you can keep your resume to one single page. This is a case where enough is simply enough.

Things to remember:

Keep your resume updated. Every time you do a commercial or print job or attend any sort of training or seminar, go to a convention or conference, put these things on there. Don’t rely on long past things. You may have appeared on Leave It To Beaver, but what have you done lately? That’s what the casting directors want to know. And when you go to conferences like the American Talent Showcase and Model Jam America, there are numerous opportunities for workshops and training—every single one adds to your skills and adds solid credits to your working resume. Click on www.Z1ModelsAndTalent.com and check out “ATS/MJA”